Mennonites don't often have international sports celebrities rising from their midst, so it was exciting to have Floyd Landis, who was raised Mennonite, win the Tour de France. Like most things that seem too good to be true, this victory wasn't, and it was snatched away, mired in a doping scandal.
The story would usually end there, but Floyd played the Mennonite card. Mennonites have earned a reputation for honesty, even when it is costly. So when Floyd said he was not guilty, people rose to his defense. Now, four years and many donated dollars of defense later, he admits lying to his family and supporters. Perhaps not surprisingly he admits his guilt in emails sent to others, not by facing the people he betrayed. These emails attempt to justify his actions by implicating other athletes. These accusations will keep the story alive for a while longer.
I have learned that when we get defensive it is usually because we have done something indefensible. Floyd has destroyed his own reputation, and he is entitled to do that. The sadder part of the story is how he dragged down a lot of good people with him. What needs to happen now?
We know from our experience with victims and offenders that there is a necessary process for restoration. The first step is a commitment to be constructive. Trying to make things right without this commitment is a good way to make things worse. One of the reasons it is difficult to work at reconciliation without help is this initial step. Someone will probably need to help you process your commitment to make sure it is not only real, but comes through in your words and behavior.
Once the commitment to be constructive is in place the offender and the offended have three steps to take. The first is to recognize the injustices experienced by each. While Floyd certainly gets to acknowledge his lying, stealing and cheating, it may also be that the people he harmed asked more of him than was reasonable. By supporting his claims of innocence in the face of strong evidence to the contrary they pushed him to continue the charade, making everything worse. When people wrong us it is normal to discover that at some time we did something to either bring it on or make it worse.
The second step, after everyone has been able to tell their story and know that it has been heard, is to figure out what needs to be done to make things right. This may be just an apology, but it can often include restitution. If I lie to you and you give me money because of the lie, I probably need to pay you back. Sometimes it is clear that both parties knew better and should share the burden. Whatever it takes, this step needs to be done well.
The third step is usually easy. All it requires is being clear about the future. How will we interact going forward? How will we avoid having the same thing happen again?
As these agreements are made and kept, trust grows. That allows reconciliation to happen over time. This model, described by Ron Claassen at length at http://peace.fresno.edu/docs/model.shtml, is the one used by Fresno's Victim Offender Reconciliation Program. I have used it for every kind of dispute.
Floyd Landis and his family, friends, former teammates and supporters have a way out. I hope they can make use of it.
We know from our experience with victims and offenders that there is a necessary process for restoration. The first step is a commitment to be constructive. Trying to make things right without this commitment is a good way to make things worse. One of the reasons it is difficult to work at reconciliation without help is this initial step. Someone will probably need to help you process your commitment to make sure it is not only real, but comes through in your words and behavior.
Once the commitment to be constructive is in place the offender and the offended have three steps to take. The first is to recognize the injustices experienced by each. While Floyd certainly gets to acknowledge his lying, stealing and cheating, it may also be that the people he harmed asked more of him than was reasonable. By supporting his claims of innocence in the face of strong evidence to the contrary they pushed him to continue the charade, making everything worse. When people wrong us it is normal to discover that at some time we did something to either bring it on or make it worse.
The second step, after everyone has been able to tell their story and know that it has been heard, is to figure out what needs to be done to make things right. This may be just an apology, but it can often include restitution. If I lie to you and you give me money because of the lie, I probably need to pay you back. Sometimes it is clear that both parties knew better and should share the burden. Whatever it takes, this step needs to be done well.
The third step is usually easy. All it requires is being clear about the future. How will we interact going forward? How will we avoid having the same thing happen again?
As these agreements are made and kept, trust grows. That allows reconciliation to happen over time. This model, described by Ron Claassen at length at http://peace.fresno.edu/docs/model.shtml, is the one used by Fresno's Victim Offender Reconciliation Program. I have used it for every kind of dispute.
Floyd Landis and his family, friends, former teammates and supporters have a way out. I hope they can make use of it.
